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новости саратова - 5/05/20
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Old 05-06-2020, 01:53 AM
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новости саратова - 5/05/20

В 1346 году пришла чума. Ну, как пришла? Появилась. Сразу же стали говорить, что вывели ее в монгольских степях. То ли кто-то суслика съел, то ли летучую мышь. Летучих мышей уже тогда обвиняли. Правда у них еще крыльев не было и они звались крысами", - отмечает писатель на своей странице в Facebook.

"В Европе не очень-то обратили внимание на кулинарные предпочтения дикарей. Болезнь как болезнь. Божье наказание. Так им и надо. Кто-то сказал, что это как лепра. Ничего необычного. Ну отвалится нос, сгниют пальцы. Делов-то? Чего мы лепру что ли не видели? Если коснется, то повесим на одежду колокольчик, да поползем в лепрозорий. Там кормят за счет государства и пенсию начисляют.

Но новости с востока приходили тревожные, так что генуэзский врач Малышавелли поспешил сообщить, что чума "чудо-чудесное". От нее дохнут только нехристи, язычники и сатанисты. А добрым христианам бояться не надо. Можно спокойно шарахаться по улицам, кашлять друг другу в лицо, жарить шашлыки и целовать всем один крест в церквях, не протирая его спиртовой салфеткой. Так и сказал. А еще разрешил ездить в отпуск. В Крым.

Поэтому генуэзские купцы и поплыли. Границы не закрыты, билеты на свои кровные куплены. Чай не венецианцы какие-то, запершиеся и строившие на острове Лазарет какой-то там госпиталь. К ним даже сплавали пару раз. Так. Чисто поржать, да селфи на фоне больницы запилить в "Инстаграм", пускай его еще не придумали. Хотели правда еще кварантену сфотать, но ее сорок дней надо было ждать. Больно надо. Тоже звезда нашлась. Короче посмеялись генуэзцы над своими конкурентами, назвали паникерами, да в Крым.

А в Крыму в это время, какое-то недопонимание возникло. "Срач" - если современным языком. Говорят, хан Джанибек обиделся. "Фейсбука" в то время тоже, к сожалению, не было. Так что Джанибеку пришлось самому переться под стены Феодосии и кричать: "Извинись!"

Феодосию он в итоге забанил чумными трупами. И ушел обратно в степь. А купцы стали обратно возвращаться, по пути заглядывая в порты. В Константинополе вот, к примеру, умер сын императора Иоанна Кантакузина за пару часов. Император сразу значит Малышавелли написал, спросил "что за дела, ты же светило медицины, сказало, понимаешь, что нехристи, язычники, да сатанисты умрут".

- Так вы не католики, же. С 1054 года у вас уже все не как у людей. Я-то тут причем? - отбрехался тот. - _то еще надо посмотреть какие вы христиане. Пусть Папа _имский решает. Он всему голова. А я по пилюлям специалист, а не по душам. Но на всякий случай посоветовал правительству сделать чучело чумы и сжечь его. Должно было помочь. Не помогло.

Дальше вы все сами прекрасно знаете. Были те, кто отрицал чуму и в нее не верил. Ну, пока она домой не приходила. Тогда кричали "доктор помогите!", но обычно доктора не помогали. В то время на всех пиявок не хватало, приходилось лишь надевать маску страшной птицы и загадочно бродить по пустым улицам. Как в кино, которого тогда, кстати, тоже еще не было. Люди высовывались из окон и страшно орали. Сейчас говорят, что чума нервную систему поражала, но тогда все знали, что это от самоизоляции. Видное ли дело - на рынок нельзя, к куртизанкам тоже. Только на воскресную мессу, да и то по пропускам.

Были те, кто кричал, что все это заговор _дуарда III. Мол, король английский хочет всю Европу захватить. Хотели, конечно сперва Путину попенять, но он еще не родился, пришлось повесить всех собак на британцев. - А чего нет? - говорили на улицах, с явным французских акцентом. - Они потом еще и "Брекзит" нам устроят.

Кто-то во всем винил Папу _имского. Папа же _имский делал, все что мог. Буллу создал, приказав ангелам срочно явиться и забрать всех, кто в _им придет и по пути помрет. В _име в итоге собралось больше, чем в очереди за новым айфоном. Пара миллионов. Почти все померли (кроме грешников), но прежде оставили церкви много денег. Ангелы обалдели от такого грузопотока, а папа сбежал в Авиньон. Он на небеса не очень торопился.

Некоторые еретики во всем обвиняли 5G. Хотели сжечь сотовые вышки, чтобы чума до них не добралась, но вышек не нашлось, потому сожгли евреев. В общем, ужас что творилось.

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effect of smoking essays
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Old 05-06-2020, 01:54 AM
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